First In, Last Out
by Hawki
Summary: Oneshot: It really sucks being a trooper in the Galactic Federation. Not only does the universe want to kill you, but Samus is going to get all the glory anyway.


**First In, Last Out**

"You know that SR388 has a primarily chlorine atmosphere, right?"

"What?"

"Chlorine. Trace amounts of oxygen, nitrogen, and carbon dioxide. But mostly chlorine."

"Course I know what the planet's atmosphere is composed of."

"Then you do know if you throw up in your helmet, you ain't going to be able to clean it till we get back to the ship."

Private Censa shot Corporal Diego a glance. One that through the helmet of his power armour, was impossible to miss. Or, he hoped impossible to miss. But, their helmets weren't polarized. They, and the other Federation Police team on the planet's surface, were only here to catalogue and observe, not partake in combat. Not that the planet's native lifeforms were above attacking other lifeforms, but those lifeforms usually weren't equipped with power armour and miniaturized railguns. Or at least, that's what he told himself.

"Come on," Diego said, giving Censa a shove. "You're perfectly safe. You're wearing the best armour that money can buy, and we've got Samus Aran leading the charge."

That was true. Well, almost. Censa was pretty sure that there was more advanced armour somewhere lurking on some Federation base in some star system he'd never heard of, and it wasn't fair to say that they were "leading the charge" either, when all the trio were doing was marching across the desolate wastes of a desolate planet. But, yes, Samus was with them. Taking point. The Federation wanted to see how life on SR388 was rebuilding itself without metroids being the apex predator, and what better than to send the galaxy's own apex predator to find out?

He only wished he wasn't here as well.

"Just think about it," Diego said. "We've only got eight hours of oxygen left in these suits, and then bam. We're back on the ship. Tea, biscuits, and-"

"We're going to die down here."

Diego slowed his pace. Censa came to a halt. Samus kept walking – if she was listening, she gave no sign of it.

"Seriously?" Diego asked. "You're going for fatalism."

"We're going to die. GF troopers always die. They died on this planet, they died on Aether-"

"People die all the time."

"Damn it, she's always there when we die!" Censa whined. "We die, she gets the glory, and no-one cares about us. We're the first in, and we never come out." He collapsed down into the dirt, placing his hands on his helmet. "We're screwed, man. Screwed. Game over!"

"You're not screwed."

"I didn't say I'm screwed, I said _we're_ screwed."

"Is there a problem?"

Censa looked up. Diego stepped to one side. Samus Aran, the Hunter, Protector of the Galaxy, Scourge of the Space Pirates, bearer of numerous other titles, stood above him. Just standing there. Polarized visor, left hand mounted on a plasma cannon…Censa felt small. And ill. And alone.

"No," he said, getting to his feet. "No problem."

"Good." She made a motion with her head to the entrance of a nearby cave system. "First site's nearby."

Diego nodded. "Ladies first."

For a moment, Samus stood there in silence. But only for a moment – if Censa had to guess (and he didn't want to, but he had to), it was as if she found the use of the word "ladies" off-putting. But, it was almost certainly his imagination. As she led the troopers over to the system, he reflected that nothing fazed the Hunter.

"Censa."

Diego grabbed him and he stopped. Looking through his helmet into the corporal's, there was no mistaking his ire.

"Stow your shit, or I'll stow it for you."

Censa nodded, and kept walking. It would all be fine, he told himself. There were no more metroids left on SR388. Only glow flies, and needlers, and senjoos, and all manner of creatures that wanted him dead. Apparently in the vastness of space, kittens and puppies were an endangered species.

 _Gonna be okay,_ he told himself as the trio entered the cave. _Gonna be okay._

The cave wasn't too bad as caves went. It wasn't too dark, and there was lots of grass around. The only thing in it was a single hornroad. Not an overly aggressive species, but he could see it sitting there. Teeth bared. Daring the intruders to come forward. Daring him to dream that things would work out differently than the last time Federation Police was on this planet.

"Single hornroad," Diego said. He removed the magazine of his railgun and inserted what Censa could tell were stun rounds. "Think we need to bag and tag it?"

"It's your call."

She sounded irritated – Censa supposed that cataloguing lifeforms rather than obliterating them wasn't reach what bounty hunters did for a living. But-

"I'm not going."

The words came out. Erupting to the surface like a broken water main. Both Samus and Diego looked at him.

"I know how this works," he said. "We go in, we die, only you live. Just like last time."

"Censa, shove it."

"We're screwed, don't you see?" he exclaimed. "The Federation keeps sending us to wacked-out locations, and we either have our life force sucked out, or get turned into zombies, or get killed by Space Pirates, or-"

"Private, zip it!"

"First in, last out!" he exclaimed. He looked at Samus. "You go first! Just once! Go first!"

Samus primed her arm cannon. Censa took a step back. But before he could take a second step, she turned around and walked into the cave. Walking to the hornroad. She fired a single missile, but it jumped over it. The second one however, hit it. Erasing it in a flash of light.

"See?" Diego said. "Nothing to worry about."

He shook his head. There was something to worry about. For once, Samus had gone in _before_ the Federation. And if galactic history had shown him anything, bad things always happened to people who went in first. Like-

"The hell?"

It was Diego's exclamation, not his. Nor Samus's. But she might have been entitled to make one, as a pulsating orange thing suddenly hit her armour, disappearing on impact. It had come out of the explosion of the hornroad.

"The heck was that?" Diego asked.

Samus didn't answer. She just stood there, flexing her arm. Did so for a few seconds before turning.

"Nothing," she said. "Some new lifeform."

"You don't know it?"

"Last time I was here I was killing most of the creatures. Not cataloguing them."

That ended the conversation. The troopers stood aside as Samus walked out of the cave. Stood in silence until she was out of earshot.

"See?" Diego asked. "Nothing to worry about."

Censa didn't know. Samus had gone in first. Bad things always happened to those who went in first on this planet.

But at least he was safe.


End file.
